Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
