It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize