I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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