five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
