You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
smell my finger.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize