The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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