It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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