The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
