Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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