You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
