I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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