So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize