The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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