it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
