I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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