I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
