"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
