Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
