he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
