Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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