fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
