I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
