yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
