I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
