I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's never too late to be topless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
