Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
