just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
