I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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