I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
