I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
