Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
