woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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