he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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