Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
