My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
