i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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