escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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