saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the day after is always just damage control
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
