It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
