The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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