It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
