he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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