Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
