He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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