he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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