i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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