I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
