walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
