She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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