I will die if light touches me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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