you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
