you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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