____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
