there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
