she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
