i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
