Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
