Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
