I wanna bring you to show and tell
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my shit smells like andre
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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