4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
