I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
