His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
