do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
