After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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