she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
