careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
