I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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