I'm going to jail i love you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
my poor anus
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
