I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
