WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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