Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
