oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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