He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
