I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
