so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
