spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize