Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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